theperksofbeingateenagenarwhal:
This was a card at Target.
I laughed for fucking ever.
Should have bought this for my cousins
riding your man like
it’s so fucking hard to be body positive when i’m constantly being told how fat i am
If I’m comfortable with you, I’ll:
- call you names
- tell you weird and personal details about myself
- say “I NEED TO PEE” instead of just brb
- type in caps a lot.
If i’m extra comfortable with you I’ll do all that and:
- talk casually about porn and really perverted thoughts
- share funny photos from my tumblr dash
- actually tell you when i’m upset
- try to make conversation with you
- just generally act really silly when I’m in a good mood
- tell you jokes even if they’re bad
That’s it that’s the film
2073:
money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference
concernedresidentofbakerstreet:
white people
WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON WIHT HTE MILK ONE????
IS THAT PERSON SERIOUSLY ATTEMPTING TO CUT BREAD WITH A FUCKING DOORSTOP
Dude, they’re angels. They don’t know what they’re doing yet!
I was standing in line at dairy queen and I saw an elderly lady crying because she didn’t have enough money to pay for her small blizzard, so I bought her a large and helped her out to her car, and she cried and said ” I hope god made someone just for you out in the world so that they can treat you as special as you are” and I am sobbing right now.
Well, that’s ironic.
Irony Man
sympathy for the devil
so this morning my dad said
“hey we got some tomatos”
and i walk into the kITCHEN AND THE ENTIRE TABLE WAS COMPLETELY COVERED IN TOMATOS LIKE DAD THAT IS NOT SOME TOMATOS THAT IS A FUCKLOAD OF TOMATOS
WHRE DID YOU EVEN GET ALL OF THESE TOMATOS
JUST IN CASE YOU FUCKERS THOUGH TI WAS JOKING
